This radio play first appeared in Dr. Dobb’s Journal in a different form.<\/p>\n
CHARACTERS<\/p>\n
RUSTY PALADIN: radio announcer, host of “Poverty on Parade”
\nHOBART FLURN: unemployed 22-year-old slacker<\/p>\n
A radio station.<\/p>\n
This is a pure homage to, or rip-off of, the old Bob and Ray routines, and should be played as such.<\/p>\n
(RUSTY and HOBART are discovered on opposite sides of a table on which sit paraphernalia suggestive of a radio broadcast, including a large microphone and styrofoam coffee cups. Of course, the audience doesn’t see any of this, because this is radio. But I mention it in case of Method actors.)
\n(Sappy theme music up and out.)<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nWelcome to “Poverty on Parade,” the radio show that asks the question, “Is there life after dot-com crash?” I’m your host, Rusty Paladin, and today we have with us Mr. Hobart Flurn, whom we discovered at Recession Camp, a trendy gathering place for recently laid-off dot-com workers in San Francisco.
\n(To HOBART.)
\nMr. Flurn, it’s obvious from your scruffy appearance that you haven’t found work yet. So thank you for coming all the way to Grants Pass, Oregon, by Greyhound bus to share your miserable story with us.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nThat’s okay, I enjoyed the ride. And it’s not like I had anything better to do.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nHow poignantly true. I would imagine. Unemployment must be quite a letdown from the adrenaline rush of being a highly paid programmer in a high-flying dot-com.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nWell, I was in tech support, so I don’t know about the adrenaline part.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nStill, it must have been stimulating to breathe the charged atmosphere of a web-based startup in the height of the dot-com boom.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nNot really, not until the sheriff’s deputies came in and escorted everyone out. That was sort of exciting.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nAnd after those heady days, you’re hitting the unemployment line?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nActually, I’m spending most of my time sponging off friends and watching the Cartoon Network. It’s just hard to imagine starting over again at 22.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nI suppose you lost a lot of money when the company shut down?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nOh yeah, I lost everything. My $1.5 million house in Atherton. My Jag XJ-6. My Vespa Obsession. My Handspring Visor. The orthodontist repossessed my bridgework.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nYes, I thought you were talking sort of funny.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nThe ironic thing is, I didn’t even need the bridgework. But everybody else was getting it done. Oh, my dog ran away. I’ve been reduced to using a 56K dialup.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nAll right, all right. I imagine you harbor a lot of resentment toward FlyByNight.com, the company you used to work for?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nActually, I can’t do that.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nBeg pardon?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nI can’t do that.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nYou can’t feel resentment toward the company that laid you off?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nNo, you see, they outsourced responsibility.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nOutsourced responsibility? Is that possible?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nOh yes, you can outsource pretty much anything these days. They contracted responsibility to a free-lance human resources consultant by the name of Delmer Clupferer, of Walkerton, Indiana, wherever that is.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nSo you resent Clupferer then?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nWell, I have to.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nBecause he’s responsible for your being laid off.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nRight, because the company —<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\n— outsourced the responsibility to him.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nRight. I don’t feel very good about it, though. Clupferer seems like a darn nice guy.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nI suppose he was well compensated, at least.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nNot really. The company went Chapter Eleven before it had paid the contractors anything, so I don’t believe Clupferer ever saw dime one.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nThat must make him angry.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nIf so, he’d have to be angry at himself, because FlyByNight.com outsourced responsibility to him.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nYes, you said that. Look here, I really wanted to ask you about Recession Camp. It’s quite an interesting concept, a combination support group and trendy club. Are you a regular there?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nNo, I only went that once and they asked me not to come back.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nWas it your complete lack of social skills?<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nThat, and my trying to borrow money from everyone there.<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nI can see their point. Well, thank you again, Hobart Flurn, for sharing your pathetic experience with us here on “Poverty on Parade.” So until next…<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nAren’t you going to say that you have some lovely parting gifts for me?<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nNo, we don’t do that.<\/p>\n
HOBART
\nWell, do you validate?<\/p>\n
RUSTY
\nYes, but you don’t have a car. So until next time, this is Rusty Paladin for “Poverty on Parade,” saying, “Write if you get work \u2014 or better yet, if you don’t!”<\/p>\n
(Sappy theme music up and out.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This radio play first appeared in Dr. Dobb’s Journal in a different form. CHARACTERS RUSTY PALADIN: radio announcer, host of “Poverty on Parade” HOBART FLURN: unemployed 22-year-old slacker A radio station. This is a pure homage to, or rip-off of, the old Bob and Ray routines, and should be played as such. (RUSTY and HOBART […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[839],"tags":[124],"class_list":["post-2300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-swainesflames","tag-writing-2"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2300"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2300\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7339,"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2300\/revisions\/7339"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.swaine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}